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Knowing your father through his friends

May 28, 2007

"You are lucky because you were able to spend 17 years with your dad. I do have a father and he’s still alive, but I never felt his presence. He was never a father to me"  my guy friend said on my father’s last night last July 2004.

I had a small talk with a group of individuals last week and one of them lost his father last year. He expressed his feelings and thoughts about the death of his father and how it changed his life. He has new priorities right now and he is recovering from that event already.

I was quiet while he’s sharing his story. We were both the eldest in the family and it seems like we are both looking for ways on how to improve for the future. I had the same sentiments three years ago and though not most of them noticed it, I had tears on my eyes.

I was seventeen years old when my father passed away. We never expected that he’ll die that early, He was barely 40 years old and was showing positive signs for his fast recovery from a brain operation.

I was devastated that time. My mom is trying to be strong for us. My  grannies were so sad because my dad is their third son who passed away. Carlo was seem clueless on what’s happening. He even wanted to open the coffin and is trying to wake him up. I tried to keep my cool whenever I see everyone cry. I was hiding all the emotions. After a week of receiving masscards and flowers, All I wanted to do is to just stay at home and reminisce the times we used to spend together. I can feel that he is just beside me and he’s trying to comfort his little girl.

The reason why I wanted to spend at least a week here in Manila alone every summer and semestral break is to be able to communicate with his long time friends. I went to them and asked them to share some of their happy moments with my dad.

My Ninong Manolet even showed his photo album comprising of pictures with my dad on it - posing like an action star, doing "the moves" and more mahingin poses. He was young and outgoing. The pictures were taken when he was still single.

Then I met Tito Jory, one of my dad’s kabarkadas. He didn’t believe it at first that Jojo passed away and that the little girl they used to carry and cuddle is already a woman. They both shared stories on how my father was proud of me and some of his fears on how I’ll become when I grow up. They’re actually happy that I turned out to be the way I am now.

Hearing their stories (Funny or serious ones) made me feel like I;m knowing this man from my genes much more better. He may not be physically present, but his memory lives on and will forever be watching over his family.

I guess he’s here. I better sleep before he scares me again LOL

Posted by micamyx at 1:30 am | permalink

Previous Comments

I lost my father in 2003 and I miss him so much. This is one of the reasons why I don’t hesitate in expressing my love to the people who are important because you’ll never really know….

I’m sure your father is proud of you!

Posted by alvin at May 28, 2007, 11:38 am

what a courageous act! I didnt lose my father yet, but I did lose my grandfather who was the greatest!

Realizations when it comes to death I think is universal: How much we regret for not letting them know how we truly feel about them.

Which is quite a disappointing fact since the power is within our hearts and yet we hesitate just so that we won’t be considered sentimental or soft.

Time could never be turned back, but it’s so nice to know that memories are kept in the heart, and not in the mind.

Posted by remcyl at May 28, 2007, 2:34 pm

I nearly lost my father twice. Though very fit, he went through a stroke and a 3 artery bypass. I’ve been living separately from my parents for almost 21 yrs. now. I make it a point to bring my kids over for a visit every weekend.

I suppose I got my activism from my dad who was a union leader. I appreciate this very much. We were never close and we’re now trying to make up for lost years. Its never to late to rebuild relationships. I’m glad that we now spend quality time together. He’s happy at how I’ve brought my kids up. He’s glad that my kids and I are very close. He now tells me where he failed as a father, I’ve done very well.

Posted by Schumey at May 28, 2007, 4:46 pm

Whoever your guy friend is, he’s right! You’re very lucky that you were able to spent 17 years of your life with your dad. Unlike me, i only spent 3 or 4 years of my life. i couldn’t even barely remember how we was with me when he’s still alive. I never have this feeling… what it feels like to have a dad?..who’s there to protect and guide you. I only know him thru my mother, brother & sisters, relatives, and even our neighbors.
There are times that i couldn’t even remember the face of my father, …
I know that someday we could be with our father in a beautiful place…lol

Posted by mArY at May 28, 2007, 5:35 pm

GOD BLESS YOU Mica :)

Posted by melai at May 28, 2007, 10:25 pm

Alvin, I do agree with you. You’ll never really know when will God take these special people away from us. There are some “panghihinayang” in my part because I could have spent more QUALITY time with him. If only I knew..

Thank you so much. I know your dad is proud of his little Alvin (errr… big Alvin? haha) too! Maybe our fathers are having fun “up there” :)

Remcyl, I know you were deeply affected with your lolo’s death. You are lucky because your dad is still with you. Make the most out of it. Bond with him, pamper him, let him share some stories about the past because you’ll never know.. no one will ever know.

Memories are considered as one of the biggest treasures ever. No one can take that away from us.

Schumey Sorry fi I wasn’t able to post some updates about my brother, Carlo that you love so much =) To be honest, I’m not quite an activist when it comes to political stuff, but i’m glad that you inherit this trait from your father and you are doing your best for your kids. Spend time with them because it will be a good treasure for them. :)

Mary, I know that you are longing for a father eversince we were in elementary where you’d cry whenever we have activities that involves the family. I know he’s watching over his little maryrose.. he’s beside you (don’t run lol)

Melai, God Bless you too :)

Posted by micamyx at May 29, 2007, 2:37 pm

People are born. People live then people die. It’s the Cycle of Life and it ends with the end of life (duh? haha, philosophical crap). Both our fathers had reached their end of life and now they are in a place where no one can ever take them away from us - our memory. It was good that we were able to spend a significant amount of time with them - and they ARE great fathers. We have fathers to look up to and most of all, we experienced being loved and being cared for by one.

Totoo, you’ll be really surprised at how glorious your father is through his friends. I know your father is great. If he wasn’t you wouldn’t be the Mica we know now. :) WE CAN DO THIS! God bless.

Posted by FX at June 1, 2007, 1:40 am

FX, Super FX, kaya natin to!! :D

Thanks :)

Posted by micamyx at June 1, 2007, 3:35 pm

i am glad for you, Mica, am glad that even though your father has passed away, all you have of him are good memories. and these good memories are part of what has molded you into a nice young girl. take care, dear.

Posted by SexyMom at June 3, 2007, 8:11 pm