My REAL Feelings Towards Carlo

It’s been a week (well.. almost!) since Carlo, Ate Virgie and Lolo left for England. Lolo will be back by the 24th, Ate Virgie will be back after a year and Carlo might stay there for good.

I decided not to go with them in the airport last Sunday for the reason that I don’t want this moment to be hard for the both of us. I’ve imagined the scene that might possibly if I went with them - he will pull me down the car and invite me to go with him inside the airport. I took my friend’s advise to just let him ride the car and that’s it.

That afternoon, I went to Jollibee with Kenjo to buy Carlo’s favorite foods from Jollibee- Spagetti, ChickenJoy, French Fries, Coke, Ice Cream and Cheeseburger. Believe it or not, he was able to finish the whole thing in 9 minutes! I have a video hereon my phone to prove that. I also went to Greenhills tiangge to search for a small pillow that Carlo can bring with him to England. I was irritated when all i saw was Hello Kitty Pillows. Ayoko naman siyang bigyan ng Hello Kitty Stuff baka ibato lang nya. Thank God I found this huggable Spongebob Squarepants pillow and i bought it kahit na mahal.

I showed to him the pillow and he hugged it immediately. We watched a korean movie here in my laptop (100 days with Mr. Arrogant is his favorite -though he can’t really understand the korean language and he can’t read the english subtitles LOL) and even made a videoblog together. He looked oh-so-handsome with his Maroon long sleeves and black slacks that my grandfather wore when he was younger. I also handed him my ipod so that he won’t get bored inside the plane. I was thinking about his stay in the airplane. Manila to Birmingham trip is most likely 20 hours.

Tito Raymond and Anton gladly fetched them here in the Condo. Lola cried when Carlo hugged her. I was trying to smile and cuddle Carlo when he was on his way to the car but my tears were falling from my eyes. It was a heartbreaking moment, yet i still managed to be positive about it. Ate Virgie cried to me that afternoon telling me she’s worried about me especially now that my precious angel named Carlo is now far away from me. Ate Virgie served as my guardian for the past eight years and she knows who i really am as a person. She knows my strengths and weaknesses and she’s a bit worried about my weaknesses. I told her that she needs not to worry about me because I can take good care of my self… hopefully.

When they left the condo, Kenjo and I went to Robinson’s Galleria and watched the movie Roxxxane. Believe it or not, we were the only female audience inside the movie house and it was a little weird because I was the only one laughing on the funny parts. Oh well.

I thought I will never feel the loneliness after watching the movie… Hindi rin pala. I checked my laptop and saw my wallpaper which is a cute picture of me and Carlo. I miss his innocent smile and sparkling eyes. I miss my brother!!! I tried to blog that day but heck, i was too emotional.

Mama called me up as soon as they arrived in Birmingham. Carlo didn’t want to hug my mom at first so he went beside lolo but he later on recognized mama. While my mom’s narrating that scene, I was wondering "Will Carlo do the same thing if he sees me again? Will he recognize me?". I will never know until that day comes.

The next day Carlo was singing using the Magic Sing. I talked to him and he just said hi. He never said I love you. No, he didn’t and it broke my heart.

I asked Ate Virgie if Carlo used the iPod i handed him. She said no. Carlo was busy listening to the songs in the airplane.

The worst news i got is that he was not able to bring Spongebob with him. That crashed my heart.

I know that Carlo is far different from me emotionally. Autistic children tend to move on faster than normal people do. For example, when you spank him at this moment, he’ll cry loudly. After 30 minutes, he’s ok. Friends na kayo ulit.

In the situation that we have right now, it seems like it’s only me who is really emotional about this whole thing. I originally planned to go back to Dagupan two days after Carlo’s flight, but what will happen to me in Dagupan? I think you know the answer and I’m not ready to go back there yet - but i have to.

When you love someone romantically, it hurts when the other people doesn’t feel the same way or if that other person dumps you. Ganun din pala sa magkakapatid lalo na kung sobra ang bonding niyo pero it’s only you who feels emotional. I’m not asking him to be a drama king , but it feels so sad that you can’t even see a single emotion from him. Maybe it’s time for me to move on… I have to move on. I will move on.